Seven and a half years ago I was officially diagnosed with bulimia, anorexia, and EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) after struggling with them for years. Since the age of 11, I have had eating disorders caused by anxiety and panic attacks. I realized I was feeling out of control and in need of an escape, which was why I resorted to these disorders. I was in and out of treatment for many years, with my longest period being five straight months, inpatient. Treatment teams continually said that this was something I would battle for the remainder of my life, even if the behaviors were gone.
My hardest year was 2012: I hit rock bottom, binging and purging up to ten times a day. I was hopeless and believed that I would die from this, and I honestly wanted to.
But over the summer God began working in me, giving me the grace and strength to pursue recovery. Once I started to fight and contend from a spiritual side, I began to experience breakthroughs. I went from using bulimia ten times a day to five times a day, to five times a week, then to once a week, then to once every two weeks, and so on. God gave me supernatural grace to fight when I didn’t want to. Learning to forgive myself and not be afraid to face myself in the morning helped me realize the victory.
On November 10, 2012, I heard the Lord tell me that it was over. That was the last day I used bulimia and the last time I had an urge to do it. Not since the age of 11 had I gone a day without wanting to purge or starve.
As of today, I have been free from the mental battles and associated behaviors for 76 days! Every so often, I still write the word love on my stomach as a declaration, reminding me to love myself intentionally.