In October of 2017, I was struggling emotionally and spiritually. I never imagined that I would be dealing with infertility, and yet, there I was—almost exactly two years of trying, with no sign of a positive plus sign. It was around this time that I was passed over to a fertility clinic and talks of procedures and in-vitro became real. It was also around this time that I stumbled across Bethel’s messages on YouTube and Podcasts. I cannot express to you the amount of joy, truth, hope, and life these messages gave! The worship, the testimonies, the sharing of the good news…they helped me to keep my focus on Jesus, even when the obstacles seemed to triple in size. I still remember crying tears of joy when hearing Bill speak, “Shout for joy, ye barren women!” in one of his amazing messages, knowing it was for me.
Listening to these messages became almost a daily practice, along with worship. They helped me to tune out the negative voices, “You only have a 6% chance,” and focus on the voice of Jesus, “I can do the impossible, 6% is not even an obstacle for me.” I had hesitations regarding the fertility clinic I was sent to, but I chalked it up to fear and plunged forward. That November, I was scheduled to have an HSG, and I remember listening to Bethel’s 17-minute long version of “King of My Heart” on YouTube while preparing for it. While getting ready, I received the call that my HSG was cancelled because the machine was mysteriously down. My heart sank, knowing that I would have to wait another month to try again. As tears rolled down my cheeks, the music resumed as Steffany sang the words, “He knows what He’s doing. When you don’t see it, when you don’t believe it. He knows what He’s doing.” I claimed that word and rescheduled for December! Days before the procedure, I surrendered and proclaimed that if it wasn’t the correct route, or the right timing, He would surely lead me. That was the weekend the state of Georgia received a thick blanket of snow and icy roads! Everyone talked about how amazing and strange it was to have snow, and that much snow, before Christmas!
After a disappointing interaction with the clinic regarding cancellation, I stepped away and asked God to do His thing. Meanwhile, the messages that popped up on my feed were all based around expanding your tent and waiting on His timing for your promise. While listening to your messages, I felt God tugging at my heartstrings and asking me to prepare the nursery, as there would be breakthrough in 2018. I fought this calling for weeks. Tears, arguments, and what felt like utter brokenness followed. But on December 15, 2017, I painted the nursery, and we put a crib in it. Encouraged by Bethel and the Holy Spirit, I started expanding my tent.
Bill Johnson mentioned keeping a list of promises. I began writing down the different things God was sharing with me. He kept showing me that I would one day be with a child. I started writing things down in my day planner, treating it like a God adventure journal! Many things happened between then and now. To explain EVERYTHING God did would take a book! My journey with infertility would continue another year and take me places I never thought I would go. I would hear from God in ways I never experienced! Crazy, beautiful things! On May 22, 2018, I woke up to hear the number 32 in my half sleep. That seemed incredibly random until a friend told me the biblical meaning of 32 was “covenant completed” or “fulfilled.” I was excited to say the least, but I had no idea that this number would mean so much more.
Thirty-two weeks later, my husband and I received the news we had been waiting over three years to hear. And when looking at my chart, we realized that the baby was implanted in the womb on December 15, 2018—one year exactly after preparing the nursery! We are expecting a son in late August. He is a child of promise.